Decisions

I am at an decision point in my life.

I don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't know WHAT to do with my life. What CAN I do with my life. The stubborn side of me says everything, anything I want. If someone else has done it, why can't I and if no one else has done it, why haven't they?

The logic of the world though tends to limit me. I could minor in Peace studies? Nope, other classes are in the way. What about Poverty Studies? Nope. Scheduling problem again. Sustainability? Sorry, foundations class taught in Spring of 2012 when I am abroad.

Well hell. I want to do it all. However, I can just take fun classes, like the intro ones, senior year and not have a special minor or major. That does work. I can do that. Grudgingly so because it would be awesome to minor in either/all of them but I can do that.

What about after graduation now??? Global Health? Peace Corp? Grad School? Med School? Waa? SO MANY CHOICES! Granted, choices are awesome and I am lucky to have them, but still SO MANY CHOICES!

Med school might fall by the wayside. It's interesting. I would like to help people and help heal people and save lives, but what draws me to medicine or the concept of medical school is not because I love the subject material. It would be cool, admittedly, but the only reason I would want to do it is to help people. The more time I spend up here at UNDERC, the more undecided I get about the idea that being a doctor would be the best way to do that.

It comes back to wanting to help people. People in situations, economically, where they need some help from those of us lucky enough to be born into situations where we can help them. There is no reason that people should be suffering all around the world. Our society and economy and it's structure sets it up that way. The human race sets it up so that is so and I understand that. However, I don't have to accept that it has to stay that way. And I will not. I never will. No I will not be able to save every person or help everyone, but (going back to my stubbornness) damnit I can try.

I remember during my UChicago interview, my interviewer and I talked about service and doing international work outside of possibly going to medical school. She talked lots about the background people. The ones who keep the places running, who organize, figure out the logistics, and work behind the scenes doing the work that allows the doctors to do their work. Maybe that? I could do that. I could do research working in these fields, helping people.

When I met Paul Farmer, though I didn't speak with him long or much in depth about anything, he did tell me Environmental Science was an important degree and he wished more people were involved in it. During his talk he also made a point of saying that everyone can help in their own way, no one has to be him (though I still want to be him when I grow up). I have focused much of these past few years using him as a model to try to figure out what I want to do. Now though, I may be at the point I can become myself. Inspired by him to do work that helps the world, and help people, but help people not by trying to be him, because I am not him. I can help people being myself. I can work with the environment and people living with nature and the world and understanding how hurting ecosystems can also hurt humanity. The only way to survive is to survive together.

Leaning towards Peace Corp more and more. haha. But it would be for so long and that's a scary thought. Could I really do that? For 2 years? In another country? I freaked out enough not being able to be home for half this summer. BAH! Granted this isn't a decision I really need to make for another year or so.

For now, I know I need to get more involved. This past year academically destroyed me. I didn't volunteer much at all. I wasn't really involved in much of anything. I HATE that. I understand that I did do a lot academically but it was still annoying. I know I need to take the GRE next summer preferably. I know I should email professors this summer and get into a lab for the next semester since I am discovering this research thing is sort of cool.....

So for now I will leave this long rant about my future and the world. Typing all this out did help me figure some things out. It made many of my thoughts more tangible. I am still confused but I think I know I just need to focus again on what my heart is involved in. My heart is involved in helping. My heart is also in the middle of the forest. In the trees and moss and logs and beautiful wildflowers you find in the oddest places (we found pink and white ladyslippers the other day). My heart is also in South Bend and Golden Valley and every place in the world where my friends and family are, as they are the ones that keep me motivated and get me through the hard times.

Sigh so many decisions.

Halfway there

A couple days ago marked the halfway point for my time here at UNDERC.

I really don't like that thought. You all know me. I don't like change. I don't like endings and I hat saying goodbye to people. We have become a family here and I hate to see that end ever. I guess it won't really ever end. We will always have this summer and all the memories.

Halfway done does bring good news with it though. I get to go home in just over a month and I cannot wait to be home again. I feel like I am starting to lose some of the details of my friends and their mannerisms and jokes. Plus everything here reminds me of Envirothon which makes me miss my awesome team and Mr. Sammler. However, it is REALLY nice to have learned some of these things before.

We are learning a massive amount of information here. This week was especially tiring as we had to be up and at class by 6am 4 days this week since we went out birding and checking our traps. If you leave the mammals you catch in traps too long they will bake essentially, which is sad so we try to avoid that. Victoria and I caught two Peromyscus maniculitus (Deer Mouse) in our traps. We basically rocked it.

This week we also learn all the mammals and all the bird calls. It was intense. A LOT of studying. Dr. Cramer taught this module though and he is very funny so that made all of the work a lot more bearable.

Besides memorizing everything, we also got to do some fun activities. We set up nets between the apartments last night and caught bats in them. Cramer said this is the first year they actually ever managed to catch bats. We caught about 20. We were able to see them up close and Cramer pointed out some interesting features they have before he let them fly away.... right over our heads. We also went "howling" the other night. Appropriately there was a full moon at the time. Howling consists of us all driving out to some point on property and Cramer howling like a wolf and trying to get wolves to howl back. We didn't hear anything that night but we did manage to break two of the vans. The UNDERC van's battery died at the gravel pit, so we piled all 16 of us into the Shaggin' Wagon. Then when we were at another place howling, the Shaggin' Wagon started to smell like a toasted marshmallow when we attempted to start it. We may have actually killed it for good. Luckily some of the grad students drove by and were able to taken one person back to the lab to grab another van and come get us all.

Tonight we are going owling, which much like howling, you make owl sounds and the owls come over and then you can shine the spotlight on them and see the different owls. I really hope this works. IT WOULD BE SO COOL!

I also went to mass today at the point. The point is where the priests stay when they come up here. It is sort of a priest summer camp up here at time. Anyways they hold mass every Saturday evening at the point and this week, Father Hesburgh arrived up here and when he is up here he is always at mass. He was a very nice guy to meet, shook all of our hands and asked us where we were from. We also got a picture with him after mass. I really enjoyed mass too. The chapel is this tiny little cabin-like building and there couldn't have been more than 25 people there.

I will try to get the picture from Laura's camera later and put it on this.

My parents come up here in a couple days. I am so excited to show them around :) I hope the weather holds.

Claire

Crazy Times

It's been almost a week since I last blogged. I have always noticed this trend in blogs of others I knew. People start out posting very often, every day or two, but slowly as their experiences continue and they get caught up in the excitement, it becomes harder and harder to update. I am falling into that same pattern, though I will try to post at least once a week. It's impossible to talk to everyone individually but I still desperately want to be able to share all my experiences with those I care about.

The reason for my lapse in posting is that this week was pure insanity. I warned in the last post how much work the forest ecology unit looked like it was going to be... well it was that plus some. The field trips we took were extremely interesting, even if they both managed to land on the two hottest days we have had here so far. On Tuesday we went to visit the Sylvania forest, which is a stand of old growth forest meaning it was never logged. We were able to see white pines that seemed to nearly reach the sky and were most likely 250 to 300 years old. We also studied the different characteristics, including lots of dead fallen and standing trees and unique topography that characterizes these forests.

Then on Wednesday we went to the Ottawa National Forest, which is over a million acres in size and were given a tour to the different types of forests they manage up there. It was fascinating to learn how the forest service is actually able to manage what kind of growth they want within a stand and also the differnet challenges they are faced with because of public opinion, logging companies, the government, and the need to try to protect wildlife biodiversity in the area.

The coolest part of the tour though is when we visited a highly earthworm density forest. This forest was in close proximity to a popular fishing lake where anglers often simply dump their bait after they are done fishing. It was shocking how different the forest floor was compared to the areas with fewer or no worms. The undergrowth of the forest was covered completely with this type of grass instead of small saplings. The earthworms consume the litter on the ground and make it hard if not impossible for trees such as sugar maples to regenerate.

I found it fascinating because this is also what I am studying this summer, I am just trying to see if there are any effects on red maple sapling growth. If my seeds will ever grow. None have germinated yet. The germination time is supposedly 10-15 days. I think we are on day 10... so.... yeah. That could be a problem. We'll find out.

We also conducted a project on lichens looking at their abundance on fallen versus standing trees. We collected the data on Thursday and the papers (a full scientific paper as if we were submitting this to a journal) was due on Friday at 7pm. Stressful to say the least however it is going to be very good to get feedback like this because our professor for this week, Dr. Walt Carson, is a editor for Ecology, the premiere journal for ecological sciences.

Dr. Carson also gave us wonderful advice on graduate school, what to do to get in, how to pick what you might want to do and some good overall life advice as well. I am currently looking into the Peace Corp... :)

Everyone here is so wonderful. I know I have said this in previous posts but these past few days it has really struck me just how much of a family we have turned into this past month. We have our disagreements of course however we still take care of each other like a family would do. The entire thought of people being abroad different semesters and some people graduating in the spring and others not being at Notre Dame when I am there since they go to other schools makes me so sad. I can't imagine not seeing some of these people every single day.

I suppose this just means we need to have reunions :)

-Claire

p.s. Everyone here keeps getting packages. I am feeling very lonely and unloved. Just a thought.

Doctors and Dead Horse Balls

Hello hello everyone!

These last couple days have been quite fun and also a bit of an adventure.

On Saturday, I was a designated driver for my friend's 21st birthday party along with Pat and Shayna. Pat bought us cokes to keep us awake while we watched the shenanigans go down. It was hilarious to say the least. We went to a local bar that was full of townies and dead deer. not kidding. I think they were quite amused by all of us as well... the townies that is. We also saw a wolf on the way there. IT WAS SO COOL. It was the first time I had seen one since being up here. I thought it was a deer at first but when we got closer we realized it was definitely NOT a deer. at all.

Then last night we decided to have a little bonfire before classes started up again. We burnt a bunch of garlic mustard Heidi had dug up earlier. It is invasive so whenever they find a bunch they dig it up and then burn the plants to stop their spread. Then Menzie created what is quite possibly the best game ever. A bunch of people went to lie down in the field and look at the stars which were positively stunning last night. We could see the Milky Way. SO EPIC. Anyways, Menzie also has this beach ball thing so they started tossing it around while on their backs. This turned into all of us laying on our backs in a circle with our hands and feet in the air trying to keep the ball off the ground. Because of such the game was dubbed "Dead Horse Balls." It also was a very good ab workout because I had my feet straight up in the air and I was laughing so hard.

I also went to the doctor this morning. There has been pain in my hand/fingers for the past few weeks, starting with finals really. It started in the fingertips of my pointer finger and thumb and has since moved into the back of my hand and a little into my wrist. I have been icing/ACE wrapping my hand for the past couple weeks and it was still hurting so I finally went to the doctor. They said it might be a nerve thing in my hand/wrist. If it still hurts in a month I am supposed to go to a nerve specialist in either Rhinelander or Wausau but that would be super annoying so I REALLY hope that isn't the case. I got a new wrist brace too that really does stop me from doing much with the wrist so hopefully that helps my hand more than the ACE bandage did.

In terms of that whole school thing I have been doing up here, it has been going well. Our forest ecology unit started today and looks very interesting, even if it is going to be a RIDICULOUS amount of work. We are taking lots of field trips to different forests and as well we are conducting a research project and writing a paper. The research project is on lichens, which will be super interesting, however trying to figure out the logistics of a research project with 28 people is near impossible.

I have been watering my project and have run into some unexpected problems.... yay research....

My earthworms are being stabbed by the pin boards I made to look at root structure. I have found 2 dead nightcrawlers so far. I replaced both but its still a problem. The first one looked mildly mutilated and the second one today had a bad looking puncture wound. The plan right now is to try to fix the problem with plato and hope that works. more like pray it works.

stupid impaled worms. I'll keep you updated on the life status of my baby worms.

Claire

Frickin' Dorm Tours!

This post is dedicated to a tour of my new home here, plus some other exciting events from this week. I thought you guys deserved some pictures since I keep talking about things and you have no idea what they look like.

Outside our dorm. Home Sweet Home.

Here is my room. The top bunk is mine and there is another bunk bed to the right. Closets are on the left.

Downstairs/main room/Dining Room. Looking in from the entrance.

Balcony area with couches. A good place to study/hang out.

Basement with big TV. There is a ping pong and pool table to the right.

A pretty view out of the kitchen window onto Tenderfoot Lake. The other day we saw 2 bald eagles flying with a rainbow in the background. Amazing.

This is a view of the Hank Lab. It's where our classroom and lab space is and it is SUPER nice.

Other than that, I saw bear puke today. That was extra delicious looking. It was by the fish pit, which would be SUCH a pretty area if it wasn't for the fish pit.

The first research week is starting to wrap up finally. I have a project... I think. Assuming the maple seeds germinate and grow. That takes 10 days. So I will know if I have a project in 10 days. fingers crossed because I don't know what I will do if I don't have a project and I have to start one in the second research week. Probably cry. Let's hope these maples grow.

Also next week is our forest ecology unit, so to celebrate they gave us a massive assignment of a zillion (aka 38) plants to collect on property and identify. It was interesting to say the least but I have finally finished it as of tonight and it isn't even due until Friday at 10am. I feel accomplished and now I can relax while everyone else freaks out about getting their project in on time. Plus I know a ton of plants and how to id them now. Makes me feel like a pro. :)

Here is a picture of the purple pitcher plants that are out on the peat moss at cranberry bog. I had to take a picture of them for my project because I didn't want to pick them.

They are the really super cool plants that flies and things fall into and then the plant digests them in their juices. It's really exciting.

On a less geeky note and something even more exciting, CLAYTON CAME TO VISIT ME!!!!!!!!! :D

He couldn't stay for long because it was family memorial day weekend stuff but it was FANTASTIC to see him. I needed a bit of home. I don't think I realized how much I did need it but it was amazing, even if he could only hang out for a couple hours. Also, he got to meet our salamander babies we caught last week. They have since hatched and are swimming around in their larvae stage. I really hope they live to become actual salamanders. We named them all too but one of the TAs erased the board before I got a picture... :(

The precious babies before they hatched.

Enough rambling for now. I miss you all. I also have no idea where my phone is so if you have called/texted me and I haven't responded that's why. I know it is somewhere around here but because of the bad service I don't pay much attention to where it is.

Until I blog again,

KLAR